Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Relationships.

I'm no expert in relationships, but I've been told that I give pretty good advice when it comes to  dealing and/or overcoming certain situations with a girlfriend/boyfriend. To simplify it, I'll relate to the girlfriend/boyfriend as "partner".
Personally, I believe that all human beings are the same on some general level. We all breathe, we all eat, we all think and we all feel. The only difference is our experiences, and from these experiences we come up with different ideas, perspectives and opinions of how we see and interpret the same things.

I believe that when it comes to relationships, and communicating with others in general, it is important to remember that a person may have differing views, thoughts and understandings from what you may have.

Last year for my Analytical Reading and Writing unit at university, our major assessment was an essay in response to a statement or question from a list given by the tutors. I was one of the few students in my tutorial class to choose an essay option that wasn’t written by my tutor. I couldn’t bear ‘Collateral Murder’ and Wikileak articles about war and people dying, it was much too horrifying. So I decided to go with …

Critically analyse the following sentence:Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming.     – Oscar Wilde.

At first I thought this statement to be very vague, and I had no idea how to answer it. But after reading it over and over again, I began to realise that I could use my over-analytical side to write a 1200 word critical essay in response to it.


For most, there is a good and bad side to a relationship and I think this can relate to what we perceive as 'beautiful' and 'ugly'.
So what is beautiful? And what is ugly?
The definitions that I go by are printed in the Oxford Dictionary (2010) where beauty is defined as "a combination of qualities that pleases the sight or other senses of the mind." Ugly, on the other hand is defined as "unpleasant to the eye, ear or mind." I believe these definitions could align with the 'good' and 'bad' of a relationship.

So what is good in a relationship?
Love?
Honesty?
Trust?
Respect?
Admiration?
These are the first five things that come to mind when I think about what might be important when in a relationship.

But what you do you think?
Do you think they're important?
Do you think there are other things that are more important?
If so, and you think that I am wrong, then that's okay. I'm glad you have your own opinion, which is actually another thing which I believe to be of great importance.

When in a relationship, it is fundamental to have your own opinion. Because to not have your own, which may mean that you're the 'Beta' of the relationship maybe 100% of the time, is to me, a little disappointing.
Yes, we are all the same, but our main difference makes us un-alike to each other in every possible way. Our experiences, our emotions and the way we express ourselves are all different, so that should mean that we all have our own perspectives and opinions. So when in a relationship, it is critical to have your own opinion every now and then, because it reminds not only ourselves, but our partner and everyone around us, that we are awake, we are thinking, and that we are paying attention.

Now I'm not saying that just because you have an opinion, you should always voice it out.
This is where respect comes in. I believe that trust and respect are the basis of a strong and healthy relationship. But it is also important to remember that trust comes with honesty, and respect comes with  compromise and negotiation. I think any relationship can survive and stand strong if you take the time to know a person and accept them for who they are. You need to know, or at least have some idea about what they want and how they feel.

But how do you get to know a person?
Talk! Converse! Express yourself!
Communication in ANY relationship is vital. Everyone needs to remember that no one is a mind reader. No matter how long you've been together, or how much time you spend with one another, they can't always, always, always know what you're thinking and feeling. You need to express. You need to verbalise.

Conversation can lead to so many different things. The flow of the conversation, the topics you talk about and their outcomes, can let you know where the relationship could go.

For me personally, I felt that I had gone through some ordeals which had caused me to distance myself from others. I still had a few friends who I told things I wouldn't tell to just anyone. But there were still a lot that I kept to myself.
So when I started talking to this guy, I knew that I needed to break down my barrier and give him the chance to get to know me properly. So we talked and took the time to get to know each other. Let me say, those essay-length Facebook messages, text messages and night-long phone calls were more than worth it. We talked so much that we grew comfortable in each other's company and didn't feel the need to hide or keep anything from one another.

Why?
Because that's what you call trust. And like I said, trust comes with honesty. You need to be honest and open with one another to communicate properly. That's how you talk. If you can't trust your partner, than I'm sorry to say, but it might not work out. You may just end up fighting all the time, and maybe mostly about the same things. Even though arguing is a sign of love, a lot of it doesn't mean it is love.

This is where respect comes in. When you love someone, the best way to show it is to respect them. Accept them for who they are. People can't change in an instant.

When someone comes to me for help or advice or even just to get an opinion, I always say "Talk".  Everyone can do it. It really is not that complicated. I feel disappointed when people fight fire with fire. No one will win, and both of you will just end up embarrassed.
Well, that's what I gather from past experiences. With a past relationship, we fought a heck of a lot. Yes we talked. But we didn't talk about how to fix the problem; we just kept blaming each other about what was wrong.

So when figuring out how to deal with something, talk about it. But don't go talking, or in other words, gossiping, bitching and ranting to a friend about how 'shitty' you're being treated, talk to the person who is upsetting you. If things get heated, take time to cool down and if both of you are okay with it, then go to a friend who will listen. Once you've both cooled down and are ready to deal with the situation, find a solution that is halfway.

A relationship is a two-way street and both sides should be heard and respected.



So far, this is all I can say.
If you have any comments or questions, please feel free to contact me through Tumblr.
Good luck. Take care.

And Toodles!!

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